I have a confession to make…I’ve kinda been running away from the church and all things “churchy” for the past two years…the reason being is that I just didn’t feel like it was a place for me…there is a “culture” in the church, especially the “black church” experience that I neither have the pedigree for nor the acting abilities to help me pretend that I belong…
My experience has been good, but most of the time offsetting…I’m a Catholic boy who did not grow up in the “church” (black church) and while trying to fit into that world, people looked at me like a green martian most of the time…I never said the right things…I never caught the Holy Ghost at the appropriate time…I just could not fix my mouth to say “AMEN” the way that the Deacons did…when I preached it wasn’t “preachy” enough, because I couldn’t hoop, or “pull it” or “bring the chariots” home… its not in me to “hoop” (and if I’m spelling it wrong that’s further proof that I don’t belong or have the pedigree for it)…that’s not me…I was raised Catholic……we give homilies and the sermons last about 5 minutes and sometimes can be sooo passive in its delivery that you may miss that it even occurred…
When I sung in these churches…people didn’t “catch the spirit” all the time and fall out in convulsions…that’s just not my music…I grew up listening to secular music and Catholic Hymns…I wanted to be like Michael Jackson and Bobby Brown…I didn’t discover black gospel until I was in high school and that was only because I was in a “short lived” gospel choir…I studied secular runs and riffs…not Daryl Coley…I studied secular music…not John P. Key…now before the HOLY PEOPLE get on here preaching to me about “being yourself” and “following the spirit” and “some deep spiritual application that does not apply” then please don’t…the fact of the matter is that the “church” has a culture and in most cases…if you don’t bring the tools necessary to exist in that culture you will not be accepted…I did it long enough to know…
But with that said…I love God now more than I ever have…I’m still finding my way…and although I don’t feel that the “black church” is my home…I do feel like the true “Church” (those that Love God and People) is my home…I just want to make the world a better place thru my music and my words…I guess that those whom God wants me touch…I will…and where I don’t belong…I won’t be…why couldn’t life be simpler??? Until I find the answer…I’ll be “Looking For Love”…
Check out my new single “Looking For Love” on itunes…